In classic East family fashion these days, we’ve been scrambling around a lot this week.

The first day of school just happened, vacations, camps, and day trips have officially come to an end, we’re trying to get back into some sort of routine, and summer is supposedly coming to an end.

I say supposedly because we’re watching leaves fall all over our property while the “feels like” temperature is approximately 115 degrees, which honestly just feels like a massive mind game.

But there’s definitely a shift happening. A lot of prep and getting ready for a new swing of life.

You know the phrase “all good things must come to an end”?

We say it jokingly all the time, but I was thinking about it recently and... that’s actually kind of a crappy phrase 😂.

Why do good things have to come to an end? And why does an ending automatically have to mean something bad happened?

Maybe sometimes an ending is just change. And change can actually be really good.

This topic came up recently with some friends when we were talking about past relationships. People we dated in high school, college, before meeting our spouses, all of that.

We started talking about how those relationships ended and why it seems like so many romantic relationships have to end with some massive bridge being burned. Shawn and I realized neither of us really had that experience, and looking back, I think that was actually really healthy for both of us.

But some of our friends had very different experiences.

It made me wonder: why do endings so often become ugly for them to actually feel over?

Maybe part of the answer is that two people can experience the exact same ending in completely different ways.

A 2023 study published by Family Process looked at more than 3,700 separations and found that who initiated the breakup was strongly linked to how people felt afterward. The person who played a greater role in initiating the separation tended to experience less sadness and anger and more relief.

Which makes sense. One person may have been processing the ending for months before ever saying it out loud. The other person’s processing might start the second they hear the words.

One person feels relief while the other feels rejection. Same ending. Completely different emotions.

Maybe that’s part of why endings can get so messy.

The more I think about it, the more this idea of ending things well feels like something I’m pretty passionate about.

Shawn and I talk a lot about pruning things in our life to make room for what matters most to our family. We actually did a whole episode on it about a year ago, and later today we’re dropping a new episode all about endings. So start with the pruning episode (link below), and if you’re up for a doubleheader, the new one will be waiting for you later today 🙂

But isn’t pruning really just another way of saying something has to end or change?

A job. A relationship. A friendship. A habit. A season. A commitment that used to make sense but doesn’t anymore.

“Pruning” somehow feels productive and intentional. “Ending” feels like failure. Maybe some of that is just semantics and the mental gymnastics we do around change.

Because sometimes something really does need to end. That doesn’t necessarily mean it was bad. It doesn’t mean you failed. And it definitely doesn’t mean you have to burn the whole thing down on your way out.

So maybe the better question is: how do we know when something needs to end, and how do we end it well?

Is it all about feelings? Probably not. But then what is it?

Who do you have around you to help navigate those decisions? Mentors? Friends? Your spouse? Your parents? Someone who knows you well enough to tell you the truth, but isn’t quite as emotionally wrapped up in it as you are?

And how do you know the difference between something that needs to end and something that simply needs to change?

I don’t know that there’s a perfect answer to any of this. Every circumstance is different, and knowing when to stay, when to change, when to keep fighting, or when to walk away can get complicated really fast.

Maybe “all good things must come to an end” isn’t quite right. Or maybe we just need to rethink what we mean by an ending.

Can something end and still have been good? Can you be grateful for what something was while also knowing it’s time for it to change? Can an ending be hard without it having to be bad?

I’m still processing all of it too.

On today’s podcast, Shawn and I get into this specifically through the lens of romantic relationships and some of our own experiences, but the more we talked about it, the more it felt like a much bigger conversation.

How do you know when it’s time to end something, change something, or keep fighting for it? And when something does need to end, what does ending it well even look like?

So many thoughts, and definitely not all the answers hahaha… which is exactly why we love having the podcast and this newsletter. We get to process these things with each other and with all of you!

What do you think? How do you know when something needs to end, change, or just needs a little more time? We’d genuinely love to hear how you navigate it.

Chat soon 👋🏼

— Andrew East and Shawn Johnson East

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