I said that recently in an interview, and I meant every word. Not because our wedding wasn’t beautiful — it was.

But because I had no idea what love truly was back then. 

Here’s what ten years has given us that the wedding day couldn’t: private languages. Inside jokes that make zero sense to anyone else.

The ability to communicate across a crowded room with just a glance. Shared history that turns the most mundane Tuesday night into something meaningful. 

These are treasures that only commitment can unlock. You can’t get them on a first date. You can’t fast-track them. They only develop through years of showing up. 

There’s actually research behind this.

When you’re dating someone new, something like 30% of your mental energy goes toward wondering if they like your texts, if that joke landed right, if you’re being too much or not enough.

In a committed relationship, all that bandwidth gets freed up for something else: the creation of shared joy.

Silly kitchen dances while doing dishes. Comfortable silences that feel like home. 

And here’s where it goes beyond marriage.

This pattern repeats across every domain where humans find deep satisfaction. The musician who commits to daily practice discovers beauties in the music that casual listeners never hear.

The writer who shows up at the desk every morning — even when inspiration feels distant — experiences the thrill of watching rough ideas become something real.

A joy invisible to the outside world, but electric to anyone who’s earned it through persistence. 

When you commit fully to something — a relationship, a craft, a calling, a community — you develop what psychologists call “perceptual expertise.”

Like a sommelier detecting notes in wine that others miss, or a bird-watcher identifying species by their calls.

Committed attention reveals layers of richness that were always there, waiting for someone willing to look deeply enough. 

The researchers found that long-term couples turn mundane moments into connection. A trip to the grocery store becomes an adventure. A minor mishap becomes tomorrow’s funny story.

The security of commitment lets you find gold in the ordinary. 

But this isn’t just about romance. It’s about any relationship, any craft, any pursuit where you’ve chosen to go deep instead of wide. The world rewards sampling.

But the deepest joys are reserved for the people who picked one thing and stayed. 

We wrote a whole book about this — about how commitment is the most underrated force in the world.

It’s called The Courage to Commit and it comes out June 9!

But honestly? The best parts are just us telling you the stories we’ve been living. 

When’s the last time you experienced joy from something that only came because you stuck with it? We’d love to hear. Hit reply. 

— Shawn & Andrew  

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